Freeze!

a snippet of sunshiney fun for your enjoyment.

Road Rage-alicious

i'm a nice person. most of the time i love people! but when i'm on the road, everyone's an a##hole. everyone except me, of course. well, most of the time.

i mean, it's easy to understand why i feel this way, is it not? on the road, every move a person makes could mean the difference between life and death for everyone in the vicinity. life and death or somewhere in between. and perhaps even a huge dent in the pocketbook. i don't know how you feel about it, but i'm thinkin', "who are these people to decide what happens to me? who is that stranger getting in my way to put my life at risk??"

still, i trust them enough to put my life in their hands, don't i? i trust them enough to get in my car and ride at dangerously high speeds surrounded by them at unreasonable proximity. but do i really trust that the jerk in front of me isn't going to hit the brakes unexpectedly and land me in his front seat with him? certainly not.

the funny thing is that everyone else feels the same way about me on the road as i do about them. i'm nothing but a box of steel with a guilty personality and everyone's just waiting to curse me out for getting in their way. better yet, they're giving me every opportunity to! that guy who speeds up instead of slowing down when i put my turn signal on to move into his lane is just itching to play with both of our lives just to prove that i'm the one who's driving like an a##hole! hilarious, right?

so check it. before you wreck it. booyakashah.

*credit where credit is due: image by erik kittlaus.

The City That Blows

i'm talking about Chicago of course, the windy city...
i was born and raised here and i happen to love this place, so at this juncture i suppose a shout-out is appropriate. it's also a good excuse to post this awesome big-sky skyline picture i shot a couple days ago.

i left for 4 years to go to college out west in Colorado (including 1 year in the beautious French Provence), to which people often say "how could you ever leave the mountains?"

"well," i say, "they're pretty" but check out the view above! okay, the clouds aren't always like that and you can't really compare natural formations to man-made steel, but i digress. i'm lucky enough to have traveled to and lived in many places in my 3.1 decades, but i've always come back.

the bottom line? chicago's my kind of town. hey, that'd be a great song!
oh, wait- it already is.

Petition #1: F.A.K.

don't you hate it when things are fine and dandy and then something comes and ruins it all?
Freeloaders Against Karma
nothing in life is free. if you think otherwise, you might be a freeloader. no one is perfect. if this is your motto, you might have bad karma. if your luck always changes when good things come your way, you might be in the universe's sights.
why subject yourself to its evil plan?
take action now!
Read & Sign Petition F.A.K. Here
FAK (pronounced "fahk"): it's what we utter when things don't go our way. let's DO something about it!*

*Petition intended solely for sponsor's sick pleasure. Signing petition does not guarantee action beyond putting your name on a random document. Petition sponsor reserves the right to pass judgement at any time. For information on a FAK Support Group near you, look within.

Don't You Hate It When... ?

don't you hate it when you've got a great idea for something but no outlet in which to actualize it?

some would say this non-existent outlet and lack of context might place the "great" idea in the category of "useless." but not me. i'm determined to find my context and make it all pertinent. so, here it is: this fancy new blog has suddenly revealed itself to me as the perfect voice for my brand new long-simmering project, The

DON'T YOU HATE IT WHEN... ?
Petition Series
that's right, petitions. don't you hate it when you express your opinion about something but no one cares? petitions are the answer!

summarize your opinion or argument into a clear, concise statement to arouse interest within the pre-defined space of your audience's attention span. the petition format creates instant validation by asking them to consider your statement with the mission of determing whether or not they agree. they are motivated to do so by the empowering nature of the fact that they can act immediately on their own opinion by either rejecting the petition or signing it. and voilà! instantly you've secured both a listening audience and a public to back you up!

warm up your typing fingers and get ready to validate me.

Unrequited Love

i love the cheese, it just doesn't love me.
what else can i do but sing about it?

join me for a shared moment in time, one fateful pie-eyed evening at talent magnet monday (a.k.a. my open mic, r.i.p.):

The Cheese Song

...this track rated NC-17...
disclaimer: mp3 not representative of Dana Lawrence Music in lyric or nature (but it is quite typical of normal late monday night semi-functional brain patterns). thanks to TWils who sat at the bar with the lovely bartender Helena & Señor Jeffe of the Malas Palace, interactively gabbling while recording this with his li'l camera.

deal with it, for the love of dairy!

Family Jewels

her mom is my dad's li'l sister, which makes her my first cousin. what it doesn't necessarily make her, however, is my twinkie, my best friend and a sickly talented jeweler. tho she most definitely is.

jodiraedesigns.com

she is one of my main characters, you should familiarize yourself. we used to look like this ---------------->
(i'm on the right).


nowadays we look like this:


i'm her jewelry model. and her go-to-girl. and her word analysist which is a big joke because analysist isn't even a word (it's analyst) but nobody gets it. i'm also her sales media and communications lady.

mostly tho i just try to get her into as much trouble as possible, and when i'm lookin' to get into trouble i take her with me. i reference her an average of 52 times daily. i'm skim milk without her. all this just to say her jewelry is flipping sweet.

fo shizzle my nizzle farizzle.

America, F**k Yeah

Feliz Cumpleaños, America! you've come a long way, baby. from Puritans to Melting Pots to Mixed Salads. today we celebrate 231 years of freedom to be who we are, say what we want, go where we please, create multi-cultural families, rack up endless debt; we can even come from other countries and exploit these freedoms to hate on the very land that has given us the freedom to exploit and hate! just imagine what we'll have accomplished in another 231 years... (if we're still around).

Remember when the 4th of July was all about face paint, picnic blankets, fried chicken and fireworks? ah, the carefree days of rainbows, puppies and cabbage patch kids. here i am with a heart-shaped locket, a fistful of dandelions and my mom's best seventies 'fro. i was a bicentennial baby. 2 centuries + me = america's age.

these days it seems the fourth is all about wondering when the neighborhood kids are going to finally run out of shit to blow up. and pathetically chuckling at the poor morons who help make this holiday the busiest night in the ER. am i missing something?

...maybe this is what america's birthday is SUPPOSED to be all about! dagnabit, how come it took me so long?? i tell you what-- i'm agonna take my cuz'n and head on down to Big Daddy's in the Kentuck and get me sum Junior Pyro and Redneck Party Packs (don't forget the hot-n-spicy pork rinds and a couple cases of icehouse).


let's go blow some shit up!

CLICK TO HEAR America, F**k Yeah! BY TEAM AMERICA

Big D a.k.a. MC Double E

Okay, so Big D has been my nickname since I was 5 (thanks to a rainbow-striped D pin my mom's friend gave me) and my rapper name is actually MC Sweet P'nut (one of many monikers used by my partner-in-crime/cousin Jodi Rae, and yes I have been known to rap), but this is all really just a long-winded introduction to the title of this "it-would-seem-i-have-way-too-much-time-on-my-hands-but-that's-so-not-at-all-the-case" entry: MC Double E.

M is for
music
C is for
children
E is for
education
E is for
entertainment

this is what i do. tho, contrary to the acronym, children always come first. i adore 'em, can't get enough. and music is a passion, always has been. i've played an instrument since the age of 2.5 (see below) and always feel the compulsion to make it. when i can get both of them together, that's my favorite. i love teaching 'em things and i love singing 'em songs.

i also love singing songs to just about anybody, so i do that and play my guitar as much as i can. the eternal goal is finding a way to sustain the cost of living while doing it. and a decent one couldn't hurt. tho i'd like to gather abundant first-hand evidence of that.

someday perhaps.

perhaps someday soon...

Birthdaze and Dreamy Nuptials

my husband's birthday is my excuse for putting something up here about the fact that we just got married in february. i think the photos are sure perty and thought they might look nice on this page too, and they do.

i was never the girl to dream about her wedding. until my man i never dreamed there was someone on this planet i could even tolerate for a lifetime.

5.5 years later i certainly never dreamed i'd have a wedding beyond anything i could have ever possibly dreamed up, but i did.

i'm lucky fo sho yo.